i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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