Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
