I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
