he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
