On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize