Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
