It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize