If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
