He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
