you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You are a genius and a whore.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
