I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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