i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
