Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just cropdusted the office
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
