i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
