He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
