Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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