Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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