so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize