What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
