now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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