I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
