I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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