You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
