I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think I sprained my soul last night
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
