you mean i was at the winter classic?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
