I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
nutella sex= disaster
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
