Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
