I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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