you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Pants are for mortals
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