Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
