Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
what day is it and did you see me today?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
