I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
