They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
