I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize