I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
