So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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