i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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