oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
