brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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