I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize