lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
