I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
