Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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