The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
