I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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