I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
