Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize