he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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