Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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