Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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