I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
