sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
