Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
