I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize