I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
