then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Couch. On fire.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize