do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
