if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
