Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
where are my eyebrows?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize