I want to make a zoo with you.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
