Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
