dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
