what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
