I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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