I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize