i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
