you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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