His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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