Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
