gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize