Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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