I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
