I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
