Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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