life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think your dad took our porno
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
