i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
