you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
