Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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