dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
