Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
