i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
