Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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