All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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