if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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