An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
