Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
