was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
A bitchslap is in order.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
