The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
