the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize