I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
