That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
