Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
