you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
