i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
