All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
