Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
