I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
